Proctor & Gamble's Best Job

Television commercials have come along way from this.  For today's sophisticated television viewing audience the pitchman standing statically next to a photo of the product while extolling its virtues just isn't going to get the job done.  Many, if not most, TV spots these days are mini-narratives, telling the story of how great your life will be when your teeth are the whitest of whites.  Frankly, this has been the case for decades, as any self-respecting Mad Men aficionado (like yours truly) could tell you.  Who could forget Glo-Coat?  And if you have forgotten Glo-Coat you are obviously not a Mad Men aficionado.

Showing the product and what it can do has long ago gone by the wayside, and the goal became for the consumer to make an emotional connection with the item in question.  To have the ad harken back to some childhood memory or show how the product will connect you with those you care about.  Who knew a disinfectant spray could do so much?

It's a big charade, really, tricking us into believing we have some connection to such-and-such a product because of some heartwarming or humorous vignette that flashes across our TV screens.  That's one of the things I love about Mad Men.  While a fictional depiction of the process in a bygone era, we still get a little peak at how the sausage is being made.  Not always pretty, but very compelling.  Though the general public, that's you and me, are the proverbial sheep being lead to slaughter, and I should hate that I'm being manipulated for corporate profit, I have to admire the work.  It's not easy to get folks emotionally invested in something that only lasts for half a minute.  But I'm not ashamed to say there have been television commercials that have made me feel something--other than irritation that is.  A couple of my fave's over the years, this Nike ad featuring Steven Jackson, Shawn Merriman, and The Last of the Mohican's soundtrack; the old Wells Fargo Christmas commercial from the '80's where the Christmas tree is delivered to the old west down on the stage.  That one is my White Whale.  Apparently it's the only video from the '80's not available on the Interwebs somewhere, as I've searched high and low for years with no success.

Ok, so what am I actually reviewing here.  This commercial from Proctor & Gamble, maker of detergents and diapers (among other things):

If that didn't leave you with a golf ball sized lump in your throat or at least give you a goosebump or two, you're either the World's Grumpiest Cynic or you should probably call an ambulance because you might actually be dead.  So, I guess even an ambulance wouldn't do you much good.  I'll send a hearse.

Ok, having said that, I have to admit that while I was unquestionably moved to tears (nearly) by this spot, in the back of my mind I was aware of a kind of uneasiness with being emotionally manipulated by the wizards of corporate promotion.  That's something I don't recall every really feeling before, at least not as overtly.  I wasn't angered by it, just a little uncomfortable.  Maybe it's a sign of our times, with a sputtering economy and a corporate scandal making headlines seemingly every week.  I'm not aware of any such incidents involving P&G and hold no specific ill-will against them, but there is such a distrust of corporations in the air these days that it seeps into the consciousness without you even really knowing.

On top of that, I couldn't help but be reminded of the doping scandals that accompany every athletic endeavor these days.  I'm sure this upcoming Olympics will be no different.

These two realizations make me sad.  I go out of my way not to be overly cynical.  I don't consider myself naive.  I know what goes on in the big scary world, behind closed doors, away from the prying eyes of the people it affects.  But I can't, or won't, spend may days letting it bring me down and souring me on all the positives there are to focus on.

Which is why, despite those twinges of unease in the back of my brain, I fully embrace the power and truth of this television commercial.  It hits on all the right notes that were true in my own young athletic career.  Hardly a protege' by any stretch of the imagination, I was involved in one or more sports from the age of five and every step of the way, my mom was there.  From taking over as the coach of my little league team in the 3rd grade, to driving me and my teammates to all remote corners of Northern California for games, to washing my grass stained, sweaty uniforms.  Now with kids of my own, I was thinking of my own wife, and how one day she'll take on that role.  As far as the actual products being shilled, they are so subtly placed, that it wasn't until after several repeated viewings that I started to notice them.  And actually, most of the time rather showing the actual product, all you see is the result of its use:  a sink of sudsy dishes, clean clothes on the line, etc.  Pretty clever...and maybe insidious.  I don't know.

So, congratulations to the Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce of Proctor & Gamble.  You struck the chord and manipulated me into feeling something after a mere two minutes and two seconds of what is essentially a laundry detergent commercial.  I hate you and love you for it, all at the same time.  But don't expect me to switch to Tide.