I Am Not A Critic

I am not a critic.  I didn't go to film school, I'm not a journalist, I do not have finely tuned tastes honed by years of discerning and discriminating choices.  I occasionally enjoy burgers fried by pimple faced high school students at chain restaurants, movies about asteroids on a collision course with Earth, and the musical stylings Neil Diamond.  I have committed to memory all of the lyrics to this song.  If I stumble upon an episode of Saved By the Bell, chances are that I've already seen it multiple times and that I will spend the next 20 minutes watching it again.  OK, that's a lie.  I never stumble upon episodes of Saved By the Bell.  I know exactly when its on.

Most would read the above and think I'm just another in the faceless American masses with bad taste and too much time on my hands.  And while that's not completely untrue, these are (mostly) conscious choices, rather than a lack of knowing better.  Some would argue that's worse than not knowing any better, but some would also argue that Avatar was a good movie.  I know a good movie, book, or meal when I see, read, or eat one (and Avatar was none of the above).

The problem with real critics, is that they're too...well, critical.  No, Armageddon is not a great, timeless piece of art to be revered and studied.  But on a Thursday night when I need a little mindless entertainment, it works (sort of).  They've been in the ivory tower a little too long and they've forgotten what it is to just sit down and just watch something for what it is, rather than dissecting every little detail.  Not to say their opinions should be totally disregarded (I enjoy me some Ebert or Sepinwall on a regular basis), but their highfalutin-ness can become tiresome, their elitism palpable.

Critical Error is a regular dude's attempt at reviewing for the masses. No, it's not going to exclusively be the domain of cheesy music, 80's sitcoms, and cliche' one-liner ridden action movies. I appreciate a good foreign film and am among The Wire's proselytizers.  To say I have a wide and eclectic taste in all things media would be a gross understatement, and I enjoy writing about the things I enjoy.  And some that I don't.  I've been told by my parents that I have a talent for the written word.  Several times, so you know it must be true.

And so here we are.

Here's what to expect in the coming days/weeks/months/years:  reviews of movies without the phrase "tour de force" or the word gestalt.  Reviews of books without phrases like "a crackling good yarn."  Basically, reviews that contain only words that actual normal people use on a regular basis (however, I do reserve the right to use a thesaurus when appropriate).  Mostly, they will be written by me, but hopefully I'll hornswoggle  (exercising the thesaurus rule there) friends of mine to contribute now and again.

Initially, I'll be putting up some reviews I did for my old personal blog.  They won't exactly be timely, but it'll give you something to took at before I can whip up a few relevant ones.  And I think they're pretty good, but I wrote them so I may be biased.  Also, I'll be tinkering with the layout and features of the blog, so if things look a little weird for awhile, that's why.  Lastly, I'll be putting some info up about my own standards and philosophies on what I read and watch.  I know, sounds really exciting.  Try to contain yourself.

So, please tell your friends, like on Facebook, tweet, link, email, bookmark, teletype, and come back.  Make comments.  Tell me how right I am that The Three Amigos is one of the greatest comedies of all time, or that by saying 2001: A Space Odyssey is overrated I'm making a--wait for it--Critical Error.

P.S.  For the record, I do think Armageddon is ridiculous.  But I still kinda like it.