Ugly Holiday Sweater/T-Shirt

We live in an age of irony and not even something as pure as Christmas can escape it's reach.  The once popular, then maligned, and now popular again because it was so maligned seems to apply in just about every aspect of our lives.  The hipsters are running wild with their horn-rimmed glasses, fedoras, vintage camera apps that (according to some) "ruin" perfectly good digital photos, and a fear of sincerely actually liking pretty much anything.  I have to admit, I am not immune to the rise of this wanna-beatnik culture.  I love my camera filters, I often where non-baseball type hate--though in my defense I was doing that before it was cool to be uncool--and I listen to Mumford & Sons on a regular basis.

As I mentioned in my opening line, even Christmas, a time of sincerity and earnestness, is not immune.  After it's decline in the late 20th Century, we have in recent years been witness to the return of what was once a Christmas party staple:  the ugly holiday sweater.  You know the kind I mean.  Loud, garish cable-knits with giants snowflakes or Christmas trees or snowmen embroidered on them.  Something your grandmother made for you in the late 70's or early 80's and you did your best to hide your extreme disappointment after opening the package Christmas morning.  I remember a having a couple of these as a kid and was never a fan.  Not only is it not the coolest thing to be seen wearing homemade clothes, even as a seven year old, but they never fit right, made you itch like you've got fleas, and transformed you into an uncomfortable sweaty mess while sitting in a packed church for a Christmas Eve service.

But in recent years the ugly holiday sweater has returned with a vengeance, even spawning their own social gatherings.  Its' not uncommon in this hipster age to get an invite to an Ugly Holiday Sweater party, each party goer trying to out ugly their friends.  Despite not being a huge wearer of sweaters generally, and for the reasons mentioned, holiday sweaters in particular, the hipster in me could not be suppressed and I told my wife I wanted to get myself a knitted bit of holiday cheer.

However, thanks to the good folks at Woot!, I found an even better option.  The ugly holiday sweater t-shirt!  All of the ugliness, none of the itch!  And what better way to be even more ironic then with an ironic take on an ironic classic.  Yay irony!

Woot! has a number of colors and designs to choose from, featuring most of the iconic holiday images from the sweaters of old.  I went with a stylish navy blue bearing the faux-stitched likeness of a couple of reindeer and the ubiquitous snowflake emblazoned in the center.  Available in both long and short sleeved, I went with the long sleeved, as its more of a winter item and to make it seem more sweater-like.

So if you're inner-hipster is crying out for some holiday fashion that will still be acceptable to all your handlebar mustache wearing cronies down at the coffee shop, but would rather skip the inevitable hives breakout from a woolen fleece, the ugly holiday sweater t-shirt is the choice for you.  Check 'em out.

The Holiday Eater's Guide to the Christmas Shmorgasboard

Blogger's Note:  In this installment of our 12 Days of Criticismas, my very good buddy Josh Carrillo will be sharing his tips on stuffing your face for Christmas.  Josh, a youth pastor, food enthusiast, and all-around good guy, is especially qualified to share his foody thoughts, as he once had his picture taken with Alton Brown.  And I've seen him eat 20 McNuggets, a quarter-pounder, large fries, and a coke all in one sitting, with room left for an apple pie afterward.  Of course, that was many years ago and his tastes have matured some.  So without further adieu, Josh!

As most of you who are reading this know, the holidays are generally a joyous time of gathering with family, friends, fun, and food to be thankful for what God has done in particularly sending His Son Jesus Christ to live, die, and rise in our place so we would be rescued from all our nastiness. Each one of you has holiday traditions that you look forward to and memories that will last your entire lifetime. If you are anything like me, one of the greatest parts of the holidays is the food. From turkey to Christmas cookies it is a month long expedition of partaking of some tasty goodness.

It is that goodness that we will focus on. It is the goal of this post to help you maximize your holiday eating. With that, here is this holiday eaters guide to a spartaculous Christmas eating extravaganza.

Appetizers: If you really want to wow the crowd with your appetizers, make sure they involve salt, meat, and cheese. Great ideas would be Wavy potato chips with onion dip, salami and cheese platters as well as some froofy cheese and crackers (you know, stuff you find at Oliver's Market, Trader Joe's, or whatever specialty market is in your town). An underrated appetizer would be salsa poured over cream cheese. It sounds weird, but it is delectable!

Drinks: No Christmas party can be complete without some Martinelli's Sparkling Apple Cider and some Egg Nog. I know what most of you are thinking about the holiday nog. You either love it or hate it. I personally enjoy it. It is rich, creamy and full of fatty awesomeness.

Main Dish: I understand that a lot of peeps partake of ham and turkey on Christmas. While I am down with these dishes, to me Turkey is reserved Thanksgiving and Ham for Easter, but that could be the traditionalist in me. If you really want to bring out the big guns, you must go with... wait for it.... PRIME RIB... BOOM! It is this man's opinion that a great prime rib destroys any other cut of steak. It is juicy, succulent, and full of flavor. If you really want to go over the top with it, serve it with some horse radish sauce. You will be the talk of your neighborhood.

Side Dishes: There a bevy of side dishes that you could choose from, but for this guy the greatest compliment to a good prime rib is... potatoes au gratin, creamed spinach, and some homemade mac and cheese with bacon. These side dishes are so booyawesome that you might be tempted to not get seconds on the Prime Rib. In other words, these dishes are the bomb.com.

Dessert: So many options, so little room in your stomach. If you are going for fancy, a nice peach raspberry or apple pie with crumb topping and ice cream on top would be great. If you are going a little more finger foody for your dessert, may I suggest the candy cane JoJos from Trader Joe's (Oreo-esque cookies filled with candy cane cream filling. Need I say more?). In addition, cream puffs and cheesecake bites would be a great compliment here.

One more thing. Make sure after you partake of all this goodness, that you spend part of January detoxing on smoothies filled with fruit and spinach. They will really cleanse you. Also, a little gym time or running never hurts. Just think of it as preparing yourself to be able to eat for the next holiday season. That my friends is your guide to a great holiday eating time!!

Will There Be Snow For Christmas?

Blogger's Note:  Critical Errors is very proud to present our first guest post of our 12 Days of Criticismas.  The illustrious Peter Brown of the Internet sensation Kludge Spot blog gives us his review of...snow.  The white stuff that falls from the sky.  Not this guy.  Enjoy!

The Eskimos have over one thousand words for snow. Did you know that? It's not true. I just made that number up. I think it's more like twenty or maybe just nine. Okay, here's the truth; I'm not really positive. You know what? Who cares how many flipping ways an Eskimo can say ‘snow.' The point is, they seem to know a thing or two about the white stuff that falls from the sky and by the end of this, you will too.

This post is brought to you by a coastal California native who has never lived in an area that snowed. I've never shoveled snow off my driveway, been in a snowball fight or ridden a shovel down a snowy embankment in a 1946 Frank Capra film. Still that might be the reason that it interests me so much.

It seems that in films, Irvin Berlin hits, T.V. specials or even Lexus car commercials, you cannot have Christmas without snow. The two just seem to go together.

Hugh Grant Movie:

Awkward boy meets beautiful girl.

They become romantically involved.

They have a misunderstanding regarding pasta and bus schedules.

She vows to never speak to him again.

He proposes on Christmas Eve.

It begins to snow.

She falls in love.

Lifetime Christmas Special:

Solider leaves to war.

Wife holds it together for the kids for months.

One night, siblings begin to fight.

Mom begins to cry.

Young Klye bawls, “I miss my Daddy!”

It begins to snow.

Solider walks up the steps.

Therefore as a youngster I logically concluded that snow had magical properties. What was I suppose to think? I know as a kid in LA, I would ask my mom about it.

“When will it snow?”

“It doesn't snow here.”

“How can I make a snowman like Calvin & Hobbes?”

“You can't.”

“What?! How can I have a snowball fight? Build an igloo, go sledding, have a snow day, go tobogganing, eat a snow-cone, lick an icicle on a dare, catch snowflakes on my tongue, make snow angels or have a snow fort?”

“Sorry, no snow. That's one of the great things about living here.”

“It doesn't feel like Christmas.”

And that was true. LA in December didn't feel like Christmas to a kid. It was sunny with a side of smog. Not exactly the NBC expectation of a winter wonderland being pumped into that little kid brain of mine. Garfield had snow. The Grinch had snow. Frosty was made of snow, and every movie in New York City was covered in snow. Why couldn't we get a little in California?!

Snow is an American symbol of the promise of Christmas. It is a contract for our happiness. To a child, a white Christmas isn't just a pretty imagine on a holiday card, it is a requirement for the fulfillment of dreams. It is Santa's pixie dust and another year without means that surely you just weren't good enough.

Fast forward about ten years. I was 16 and my family finally spent a Christmas with snow. We rented a cabin in Tahoe with our extended family the year my Grandmother passed away. We needed something different to help us get through what had been a hard year.

I still recall pulling up to that snow covered pine lodge in the middle of winter, and being totally amazed. We had a roaring fire, hot mugs of cider and all of our wet snow boots lined up against the wall. There was a thick blanket of snow on the ground, and pine trees with branches draped in all their winter whiteness. I remember thinking, “This is exactly what Christmas should looks like!”

I hated it.

I was cold, walking was a pain as I was always slipping on the ground or losing a boot in the thick pile of wintry carpet. All my clothes were constantly wet. Driving in it was miserable if not downright deadly. You couldn't go anywhere without gloves, and if they came off, then GOOD FREAKING LUCK getting them back on your numb frozen hands! This was nothing like what I expected and I was miserable.

I guess that's the real point. Contrary to the CBS specials, Christmas is not about snow. It's about family, friends and showing off your cool new set of gaudy winter socks. If that traditional gathering means a white Christmas to you and yours, then so be it. But for this Californian, you can keep the cold white stuff to yourself! I think I like it better on the screen, as an idea, than actually present in my life.

12 Days of Criticism

Christmas is coming and we here at Critical Errors have a very special gift to share with all our faithful readers.  All eight of you.  In the days between now and December 25th I will be--fingers crossed--posting a sort of 12 Days of Christmas series of reviews.  Twelve reviews between now and Christmas.  Pretty ambitious considering I've posted exactly 12 reviews since May, but we're going to make it happen.  And if not, I will personally show up at your house on Christmas morning dressed as Kris Kringle and will clean up all your discarded wrapping paper.  But no!  That won't be necessary, because it is going to happen. I'm enlisting the assistance of some guest bloggers to help bear the load and if they come through we'll get this thing done, no sweat.  Most will be Christmas related in nature, but not all.

Expect the first post, the partridge in a pear tree, if you will, in the next day or two, then one every couple of days thereafter.  By the time we're through, you'll be so overwhelmed by the steady stream of mind-blowing critiques you won't want to read another review all year!  Wait.  Strike that.  You won't want to read another review anywhere else all year!  Yeah, that sounds better.

So keep us open in a browser tab, be sure to Like Critical Errors on Facebook (you can do that at the top of the sidebar), check back regularly, and be sure to leave us a comment or three.  Agree, disagree, whatever.

In less exciting programming news, I am discontinuing the In 102 Words Exactly feature.  The original goal of 102 Words was to review something I didn't have time or energy to do a full review for, but still thought was noteworthy with a bit of brevity.  However, as it turns out, trying to cram your critical thoughts into exactly 102 words is more difficult and time consuming than you might think.  I'll bring this feature back in some format at some point.  Maybe In 102 Words More or Less, or something.  Stay tuned.  In the meantime, the already written 102 posts will remain active and searchable by the 102 Words tag.  Because I just know you need them at your fingertips at a moments notice.